Heidi, We've Got Your Back!

Okay, folks. We've only got 20 days until the Miss Universe Pageant, but I think that's enough time to help newlywed Heidi Montag Pratt. As you all know, she'll be belting out her latest song at the pageant on Aug. 23, but there's an elephant in the room that could stand in front of her success: She can't sing (as evidenced here and here)! As an avid fan of The Hills, I do not want to see my favorite bimbo blonde bombshell crash and burn as she tries to pursues other opportunities. And since Heidi's skills as an entertainer lie more in the realm of reality TV villain than songstress, I've decided to give her some words of wisdom to prepare for her big day.

• No matter how challenging the performance may be: don't quit! While ditching the show, then returning, then ditching the show again didn't get you stoned on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, the producers of the pageant may not be as forgiving.
• Get the dance moves down before the show. Stumbling through them, a la Britney Spears at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards, won't push your new career in the right direction.
• Don't be afraid to employ the help of a reputable stylist to help you look the part of a music star, even if your voice suggests otherwise. I know you'd prefer to wear pieces from your clothing line Heidiwood, but fashion doesn't seem to be your calling.
• It's best if you learn the words before cameras start rolling, but should you forget, take a page from Jessica Simpson's book and smoothly yell "Ooops" and tell the audience how embarrassed you are. Hopefully, they'll have some sympathy.
• Beware of lip syncing. If it can hurt Kanye West, Madonna and even Milli Vanilli, it can't do much good for you.

Have I missed anything? What other advice would you give Heidi to prevent the likely embarrassment she'll face because of the performance?

Bonus: Which other reality star turned hopeful singer would you rather see perform?
	Brooke Hogan
	Kim Zolciak from "Real Housewives of Atlanta"
	Paris Hilton (remember her single "Stars are Blind"?)
	All of them make me gag.

Credit: Delece Smith-Barrow for The Washington Post